Welcome to the thunderdome bitches. As someone that grew up in New Jersey attending Metrostars matches loving everything about the weird NY/NJ club, I can’t really maintain that same passion for the New York Red Bulls. On the other hand I’ve spent the last 15 years of my life in the Philadelphia and therefore have an affinity for the silliness of Philadelphia fans and the Union. Lucky me… both teams are failing quite spectacularly out of the gate in the 2023 season. With that - I’d like to start a weekly ritual.
You have team power rankings, you have player power rankings and you might even have coach power rankings. Why not look at the worst performing coaches in Major League Soccer and rank them? #1 will be the worst performing coach in the league.
All stats taken from fbref.com
Jim Curtin
Things aren’t going the Union’s way. Philly might get a pass had they gotten any of the results they deserved, and their best player in Andre Blake is making a return from injury, and they have a CCL campaign to finish. But one of the favorites in the East to start the season currently sit 10th and have won 1 point per match. Jim Curtin is going to be hearing it soon from the Philly faithful.
Josh Wolff
Austin started hot on the season but seemed to have been slowed by their shock knockout of the CCL to a makeshift team of USL and NISA players. Since then Austin have lost two and drawn one while carrying the third worst xG difference in the West. Austin’s home field advantage also doesn’t seem to be in play so far this season with a 1-1-1 record at home. With a game in hand, let’s see if the green Yetis can climb up the table next week.
Wayne Rooney
I had higher hopes for Rooney coming to MLS as a manager. His work at Derby was admirable, but even with Benteke scoring regularly, DC has put together an awful start to their campaign. It’s not just luck either, with the third worst xG difference in the East, they sit third from the bottom in the table. Time will tell if this experiment will work, Rooney does have some grace built into his timetable with DC.
Pablo Mastroeni
With the worst xG difference in the West, a top scorer in center-back Justin Glad with two goals, Mastroeni got himself out of the top 5 power rankings due to his squad’s 3-1 win over Charlotte on the weekend. After four straight losses he was able to stop the bleeding, but RSL fans may be wary that the bleeding can start at any moment again.
Phil Neville
The pink David Bechkams started on fire with two wins in two but have since strung together five straight losses. A team that was high on confidence to start the season having beaten two of “the best” clubs in MLS as Neville said in interviews, they’ll now be at the depths of despair with a fully red form table.
By the way - the two best clubs Neville mentioned were CF Montreal and Philadelphia, currently 15th and 10th out of 15 in the East.
Giovanni Savarese
Another household name and a squad and club that have been perennial powerhouses throughout the last decade in MLS. Portland currently sit 12th in the West with five points in seven. If we’re going on xG difference Portland should have one point… so they’re kind of lucky to have five. Is Savarese on the hotseat? I kind of think he is.
Gerhard Struber
NYRB easily has the worst pass completion percentage in the league so far this season. It makes for a ridiculously boring viewing experience which at times equates more to watching pinball than soccer.
The benefactors of wealthy energy drink overlords currently sit 11th in the East and have scored 5 goals all season with their high energy “red bull attacking style”.
Add to that the new DP Venzier allegedly made racist remarks to the SJ players and Struber didn’t blink an eye. No accountability for his team or player’s behavior. We’ll see what comes of the investigation.
Peter Vermes
SKC are winless in 7 to start the season. That’s right - the club that everyone feared for a decade has zero wins on the season so far. Peter Vermes has generally been believed to be one of the best American coaches in the league and I do think that provides him some grace, but not enough to escape the bottom of these power rankings.
I’m sorry, you can’t have three points in seven with that roster and expect to not be the worst coach currently still employed in MLS. They have two top scorers who are tied with one apiece… SKC has scored two goals so far.
Sorry SKC fans or Peter Vermes stans that hoped he would take over the USMNT, it’s just not it at the moment for big Pete.